The End of Civilization as we Know it

Forget Madonna, The Situation, Snooky or even that Marxist-Socialist-Nazi loving Barack Obama.The end of civilization as we know it is upon us. And who is leading us down this path if not Madonna, Lady Gaga or  their ilk? None other than the sweet unassuming Betty Crocker smiling down at you from the corner of that cake mix box.

Who would have suspected when she introduced her first cake mix in 1947 that her real goal was the end of life as we know it? Weren't we destinded to slave away in a kitchen if we wanted to eat? I am sure there is something about it in Genesis.


Want to make some fudge this upcoming  holiday season? Forget about buying the ingredients. Someone has packaged them all for you and put them in a kit. Who do people think they are these days? Martha Stewart? She may be rich enough to hire someone to measure out all her ingredients but average people like me aren't so why should we expect to have everything premeasured for us?

This kit isn't going to produce the huge batches of fudge that my mother whipped up during the holiday season. You are only going to get enough fudge to fill a nine inch square pan. That won't be enough to feed you for breakfast all week the way my mom's batches did.

Yes, I got fudge for breakfast but only throughout December when my mom made batch after batch of fudge for the entire neighborhood. It was healthy compared to the Hostess cupcakes and Twinkies I had for breakfast the other eleven months of the year. We always had a big glass of milk with it too; whole milk, none of that two percent, one per cent or heaven forbid half percent stuff. Can you imagine the poor emaciated cow that produces that inferior product?

I thank God every day that I had a mother that did not care about my daily sugar or saturated fat intake. Besides it is a well known fact that fat did not become saturated until the late 70s when the health nuts took over.

Pie crusts? No way am I rolling out my own. I remember my mom rolling out her pie dough two or three times before she got the consistency she wanted. Mine is perfect every time thanks to the Pillsbury Dough Boy. And I don't have any of that pesky flour on my shirt later.


I can't remember the last time I mixed up my own batch of sugar or chocolate chip cookies from scratch. I always reshape the dough so the tale-tale corners of the squares of dough are nowhere to be seen after baking. I can spot the tiny little square peaks they leave and it makes me feel like a fraud so I roll the dough around in my hand before I place the dough on the baking sheet. 

I do have my standards and there is one product I refuse to buy, Shake and pour pancake mix. How lazy do you have to be to open a box of complete pancake mix, measure out a cup of water and stir?

The real waste is the wasteful little plastic bottle it is packaged in. Could we possibly leave a larger carbon footprint?

My grandmother would be appalled. She raised kids during the Depression. When Reynolds Wrap was introduced she bought one box and  never had to buy another as far as anyone knew because she just kept reusing the same pieces until the day she died. Ralph Nader could have learned a lot from her.

I figure in fifteen years no one will be able to make anything themselves. The competition on Top Chef will be reduced to seeing which contestant can open packaging the quickest. Martha Stewart, Paula Dean and Rachel Ray will be reduced to just having their viewers watch them shop for ready made goods. This is where Martha is going to have the edge on her competition. After the shopping episode is over she will still be able to film specials showing her arranging her purchases meticulously on trays. This will all be done after one of her underlings opens the packages for her of course.