I Thought We Won the Revolution

Why can't the media just cover a story and then move on? They need to become a little more like Sgt. Joe Friday and report, "Just the facts ma'am."

Last week when Prince William and Kate Middleton announced their engagement all the morning shows did what the media always does; air a continual stream of speculation about what the details of the upcoming nuptials might be. The only royal expert I want to hear from is Joan Rivers. Please, please somebody hire her now to cover this event!

Why are we still obsessed with the royal family? I thought we wanted to be rid of them. If we want a royal family we could get our own. My nominations are:

The Kardashians. They are beautiful and they do seem to have a jump start on that inbred thing. Look! They're already dressed for Ascot!

 The Lohans. We are already obsessed with them and  they could beat the Brits hands down when it comes to dysfunction.

But if we want to do this thing right with style, dignity and grace I think we should just crown Tim Gunn. He is going to have to marry quick and produce an heir but I think the world is ready for a gay royal family.

If the Brits could have handled gay royals they might have ditched Prince Charles and gone with Andrew as the next heir years ago. (Of course I do sometimes wonder if Charles isn't gay. That Camilla usually comes off looking like a guy in drag anyway.)

Heidi would make the perfect surrogate for Tim and his partner's child. But please, please don't let Michael Kors or Nina Garcia dress the young prince or princess. After the judging this season on Project Runway we would be subjected to nothing but serviceable clothing all done in earth tones. We could just keep Queen Elizabeth and her Corgis if we wanted to go that route!