Damn you, Oprah

I try desperately not to watch Oprah. There is just something disingenuous about her. When she first announced her plans to end her show after this year I breathed a sigh of relief. I would no longer be subjected to endless promos of her show on Entertainment Tonight. But my hopes were dashed when later in the same news release she announced her plan to start her own network. I live in fear that any day I will go to the mailbox and find this woman has bought my mortgage. She controls everything!

I knew she would pull out all the stops this last year. I knew she would make it difficult not to watch, landing newsworthy interviews. First it was the entire Von Trapp family from The Sound of Music there to hawk the latest release of the film on some new format. (Don't ask me which one. I can't keep up). I succumbed to her wicked plan and tuned in. What did I learn that I did not already know? Nothing!

Once again I steeled my resolve and vowed not to watch. And who did Extra announce was going on the show tomorrow? Barbara Streisand WITH Robert Redford. That's it! It's official. There is no God. Surely he would preserve us from the pomposity which is Oprah.

Anything I can't blame on the Tea Party I blame on Oprah. In fact there probably wouldn't be a Tea Party without her. Her endorsement of Obama finished Hillary's presidential run in 2008. (I read somewhere that she did it because she couldn't stand that thought of another woman becoming more powerful than herself. I believed them.)

I still blame her for stealing Phil Donahue's format all those years ago. I loved Phil. He was so unashamedly liberal. And you could always count on him to bring on male strippers every sweeps period.The fact that Oprah never has male strippers on her show only serves to keep those nasty lesbian rumors alive. (That and her road trips with Gayle)

I don't care how much this woman gives away I don't trust her. I don't trust anyone who puts themselves on the cover of their own magazine every month. It's not fair. Thousands of girls all over the country are munching on celery for dinner this evening hoping to maintain their frail little bodies so they can finally land their first cover shoot And what is the big O doing? Hiring more staff members to cinch her into another outfit for her next cover before they airbrush it beyond recognition.

In the meantime I am already berating myself for the sin I am about to commit, lowering my standards for just one more glimpse of Katie and Hubble.