Separated at Birth?

Were Governor Chris Christie and Jabba the Hutt separated at birth. They bear an amazing resemblance to one another both in physical appearance and demeanor. Jabba feasted on maidens but  Governor Christie seems to be intent on devouring teachers, policeman and firemen.

Being a bully himself maybe he targets teachers because of the recent emphasis on teaching kids how to stand up to bullies. But whatever his motivation I will never understand why anyone would vote for a man that is so obviously flawed.

You are Not Camping if You Have to Pull it Behind You.

We have become a nation of wimps. Driving to visit Larry last Friday afternoon I - 24 was thronged with people pulling campers behind them on their way to Kentucky Lake. The campers were so big they had to have massive pick up trucks to haul them.

I don't camp because I am not too proud to admit that my idea of roughing it is going on stage in an outfit that doesn't sparkle under the stage lights but who are these people kidding?

They are not camping. They are staying in a hotel on wheels. I don't know what they pay for such equipment but it is not enough. There should be a huge surtax on the price of the camper, the truck  required to haul it and the fuel they put in it for their waste of resources.  Why should I be paying nearly four dollars for a gallon of gas in my tiny Aveo because people are guzzling up gallon after gallon to pull these monstrosities behind them or in many cases driving  a thirty foot motor coach down the highway? 

Have they learned nothing from Al Gore? Unless you are on tour hawking your newest country music cd you have no business owning one. (Besides I could never criticize Dolly)

Modern day campers are a waste of  resources. I bet every one of those people left their air conditioning running at home in an empty house so it would be comfortable when they came back from "roughing it" in their air conditioned trailers all weekend.


They didn't leave one thing back home.  They have television, internet and air conditioning in their "camper" and a cell phone in their pocket. If you still have the capacity to follow Justin Bieber's tweets while you are in the woods you are not camping!

Camping is piling tents (yes tents! remember those?) in the back of a pickup truck, staking them up and crawling inside to sleep.

It is being forced to decide between being eaten up by mosquitoes or  puttting up with the smell of Off! slathered all over your body. 

It is cooking with a mess kit over an open fire with wood you collected yourself.

It is being tricked into going on snipe hunts after midnight by the older scouts in the troop.


That's the kind of camping the boys scouts in my troop, troop 454 used to do. About once every six weeks in the summer our scout leaders would take us out to the country, (not a campground  unless we are at a Jamboree) find a spot near some godforsaken creek and set up camp. There were two guys in each pup tent and you had better hope that your tentmate didn't touch the top of the tent when it began to rain or the canvas roof would start leaking.  

I still remember a very special breakfast one of our scoutmasters cooked for us. He decided to make pancakes that morning. He didn't bother to get them cooked all the way through. They were still liquid in the center and he couldn't understand why we were eating so slowly. None had the nerve to tell him they were raw.....after all a scout is always honest.....even if it means you have to  just scarf it down and upchuck in the woods later.

How Lazy are you People?

I keep seeing advertisements for Digiorno Pizza with a batch of cookies in the same box. I ask you, "Just how lazy are you?" It is bad enough that people are too sluggish to cook for themselves. I get that. My freezer is full of frozen entrees.

When I do whip up a batch of something for myself from scratch I get so tired of eating it all week that I end up throwing a good portion of it away before I am done. Then I don't eat it again for so long I practically forget such recipe exists. But my heavens at least I haven't stopped visiting every aisle in the grocery store searching for prepared products (if you can call the market section of Walmart a grocery store.....You can't!)

I know we are a busy people. For the last two weeks while I was putting the finishing touches on Show People I ate out practically every meal. We are dependent on prepared foods to survive in a hectic world. But can't we at least work up enough inertia to pick our frozen pizza up in one aisle and walk a few steps to get our refrigerated cookie dough up in  another?

You have to burn up those calories somewhere. Watching the finals of American Idol isn't going to do it unless you get up off the sofa to yell at the judges. That isn't very likely now that Simon is out of the picture is it?

You will have to excuse me now I have to go get my pie out of the oven. See. I still bake.....as long as the Schwann's man keeps delivering frozen desserts.

Happily Divorced

I wanted to like Happily Divorced, Fran Drescher’s new show. It had great possibilities because it tackled an issue that is rarely talked about. The fact that this show was appearing on TVLand should have given me a hint. Fran Drescher and her gay ex-husband Peter Marc Jacobson are co-producing it. It is autobiographical, telling the story about a woman who finds out her husband is gay after eighteen years of marriage. Obviously I could relate to this story having come out after nineteen years of marriage.

The trouble is the pilot covers too much territory in twenty-two minutes. To say that it scratches the surface of the issue would be giving it too much credit. In the first episode Fran’s husband played by John Michael Higgins tells Fran he thinks he is gay, they decide to continue to live together and Fran starts dating, bringing her new boyfriend home to be chaperoned by her ex.

I loved The Nanny. It was pure fluff, a fairy tale. The subject matter of this show may be a fairy tale but it is not fluff. They treat the subject too lightly, ignoring any of the angst that Fran and her real life husband must have gone through to come to a place where they could continue to live together, knowing he was gay.

They could have dealt seriously with the issue and still had a funny show. Fran and Peter may still live together but the way the relationship is dealt with in the sitcom it comes off as unrealistic. I think a better place for  a program like that would have been HBO or Showtime where they could have dealt with the subject matter more realistically.

Does Everyone Who Disagrees With Jesus Burn in Hell?

I hope it is okay to disagree with Jesus and still avoid  burning in Hell because lately one of his sayings is bothering me. At one point I know he said something about where two or three are gathered there he would be also. I take that to mean he didn't care where Christians gathered but surely he didn't realize that some of his twenty-first century followers were going to start building churches out of tin.

I am not talking about people who can't afford anything better. I am talking about some of these mega churches I see sprouting up that are no more than glorified pole buildings. Having just put a metal roof on my  house, I am probably asking to be struck by lightning by even bringing up the subject. After this post I may soon find out. I can't help it. I think Jesus deserves a better home than a metal shed no matter how much ground it is sprawled over. The guy was born in a stable. Don't you think that's enough humiliation for one lifetime?

The people building these monstrosities could afford better. They could afford brick. They could afford stained glass but if they build out of tin they can afford to make the place big enough for a gym, a stage and large halls for baby showers and wedding receptions. If they don't spend money on brick and mortar they can fill their sanctuary (I am sure they have a cutesie name for that like worship center) with all kinds of the latest high tech projection screens and sound equipment, all of which will be outdated by the time they are installed.

I can only imagine what the inside of these places is like because I have no intention of ever stepping foot inside of one. Any church that includes a gym is not for me. There is no reference to Jesus playing handball, basketball or hockey in any of the four gospels. I am quite sure though at some point after a hard day of multiplying loaves and fishes he broke into a show tune. After all he was Jewish. And the only people that love a show tune as much as the gays are the Jews.

But it church isn't about what Jesus wants any more is it? It's all about us.Why invest in stained glass? Someone might actually have time to pause and reflect during worship, inspired by another person's attempt to create something that glorifies God when they could be watching images of all the people in the congregation having birthdays that week on a jumbotron.

Unless you are under ten or over ninety Jesus does not care about  your birthday and neither do I. I don't remember him attending any birthday parties. He only attended one wedding as far as I know and all he seemed to be interested then was the wine. Come to think of it the guy was a little hung up on the stuff, making sure he had some on hand for his last meal. He probably would fit right in on the last hour of the Today Show with Hoda and Kathie Lee. Please Kathie Lee do NOT take that as an endorsement.

Dueling Hosts

Honey, Dress up for an Awards Show

No wonder the Tony Awards get no respect. At least Fashion Police, the hilarious half hour hosted by Joan Rivers noticed and made mention of some of the fashion or lack of at this year's event. But when the nominees can't even bother to dress up it's no wonder the media ignores the most important night of the year.

I am speaking of Frances McDormand who picked up a Tony Award for best actress last Sunday in a denim jacket. It's June. It's New York. You don't need a jacket! If she was going to look that tacky she could have bedazzled the thing at least. You can get a kit for a few bucks at Walmart.

Oh yeah I get it, Frances you aren't the frilly type. You are earthy. So are my begonias but they are lying in dirt! And for heaven's sake do something with you hair! You are on national television. You don't have to look or sound as ridiculous as Christie Brinkley did in her beauty pageant get up or Whoopi Goldberg in he Ma Mabley get up. Let's not take things to the extreme but for heaven's sake find a tube of lip gloss and run a comb through your hair once a month or so.

The show was great this year but if someone was going to bother going on stage without dressing I would have preferred it to be Hugh instead of Frances. Still his dueling host segment with Neil Patrick Harris was priceless.

Tech Rehearsal Show People

I had a few moments during dress rehearsal to snap a few pictures. Still looking to sell some tickets. Spread the word! Show dates are Thur. - Sun June 16 - 19. Call 618 785 2485 for tickets.

Do not let this picture fool you. Erica is not in the South Pacific Sequence We just wanted to see how one of the signs would look against the fiber optic curtain.

I think you have to agree this finale looks spectacular.

Show People Song List

I am posting the song list from Show People, the upcoming cabaret revue presented by the Sparta Community Chorus. I am VERY excited about this show and this cast. Join us June 16, 17, 18, at 7:30 p.m. or June 19 at 2:00 p.m. at the Sparta Community Playhouse in the Sparta Showtime CinemaComplex. Call 618 785 2485 for tickets today!

Show People
Act I

Show People.....cast

I Miss the Music......Gary Cox (in tribute to Christopher Jackson)

It's a Business Erica Goodwin

Stars......Jeff Blair

Castle on a Cloud.....Anna Kelley

On My Own.....Mary Niemeyer

Friendship......Mikayla Goodwin and Jalene Ferguson

I Get a Kick out of You......Jalene Ferguson

from Jeckyll and Hyde

No One Knows Who I Am.....Heidi Morrison

 (medley)

Knowing When to Leave.....Cassie Jennings

I'll Never Fall in Love Again......Emily Cox, Cassie Jennings, Jessica Kempfer

I Say a Little Prayer for You.....Jessica Kempfer

A House is Not a Home.....Emily Cox

from The Sound of Music

My Favorite Things.....Cabaret Kids

Edelweiss.....Jeff Blair and the Cabaret Kids

from The Last Five Years

When You Come Home to Me.....Erica Metheny

from Avenue Q

Schadenfreude......Erica Metheny and Erica Goodwin

Aquarius.....Heidi Morrison and the cast

Easy to be Hard.....Jessica Kempfer

Hair.....cast

Eyes Look Your Last/Let the Sunshine In

Act II

from Glee

Don't Stop Believin'

Defying Gravity.....Mary Niemeyer

Some Enchanted Evening.....Robbie Jasper

Honey Bun.....Cassie Jennins and Rich Wolter

This Nearly Was Mine.....Robert Jasper

 (medley)

Walk Like a Man.....Jeff Blair, Gary Cox, Russ Ripperda and Rich Wolter

December '63.....Rich Wolter

My Eyes Adored You.....Russ Ripperda

by Stephen Sondheim

No One's Gonna Harm You.....Mikayla and Kyra Goodwin

Losing My Mind/You Could Drive a Person Crazy.....Emily Cox

No One is Alone.....Jeff Blair, Emily Cox, Gary Cox Heidi Morrison, Mary Niemeyer, Rich Wolter

I Am What I Am.....Gary Cox

The Best of Times is Now.....Mary Niemeyer and cast

,

We have packed a LOT of music in this show. (many of the songs are arranged in medleys or have minor cuts made in them so we could include more variety) The first act runs an hour. We will have a fifteen minute intermission. The second act runs forty minutes. That makes a total running time of two hours. (Unless you clap incessantly which you will want to do!)

Join us!
Order your tickets today by calling618 785 2485!

Em and I Getting Ready for Show People

I didn't have this picture when I posted earlier. The flash had given up on my camera by the time they got around to shooting us. Thankfully another camera was working....

Show People!

I am getting VERY excited about the cabaret revue I am directing next weekend. I hope hope hope it is well attended. Doing everything I can think of to publicize this event....signs, posters, newspaper articles, radio appearances.


I thought the cast looked great for the publicity stills we took last night.....Sharing here.

The striking, big voiced Jessica Kempfer is featured in the Hair and Promises Promises sections. I love listening to her! The handsome Robbie Jasper is singing both of Emile DeBeques solos, Some Enchanted Evenig and This Nearly Was Mine from South Pacific. And of course my incredibly talented daughter is doing a mash up of Stephen Sohdheim's Losing My Mind and You Could Drive a Person Crazy. Remember when we called mash ups medlelys?

I am really enjoying working with two people I haven't had the opportunity to work with before, Russ Ripperda and Heidi Morrison. Russ is featured in the Jersey Boys section and Heidi shows us her inner flower child when she opens the Hair segment with Aquarius. I thought Beverly DeAngelo had entered the the building when Heidi got her show drag on last night.

So glad to have chorus favorites Rich Wolter and Mary Niemeyer back with us. When Rich isn't busy hanging lights, stabilizing sets and procuring drummers for us he is busy rehearsing December '63 for the Jersey Boys sequence. Good friend Mary is going to delight the crowd with her renditions of On My Own from Les Mis and Defying Gravity from Wicked. I am green with envy!

So glad to have Erica Metheny with us. I love the selection she is doing from the critically acclaimed Off Broadway hit, The Last Five Years about every show person's worst nightmare; auditioning. Jeff Blair offers a beautiful rendition of Stars from Les Mis and joins the kids for Edelweiss. Erica Goodwin weaves her usual comic genius on Schedefruede from Avenue Q and one of my favorite new numbers, It's a Business from Cutains. I am so glad Cassie Jennings joined us this year. She is featured in the Promises Promises segment and performs Honey Bun  from South Pacific and may I just say she looks cute as a button doing it!

If My Chest Were This Tight I'd Tweet Too

What is wrong with this country? How many men have to get caught in sex scandals before we finally figure it out......men want sex and sometimes they troll the internet for it.

Geez Louise. Get over it America. One boatload of Puritans land on Plymouth Rock and have ruined the entire coountry for everyone. Everyone knows the Puritans were no fun. They couldn't get along with anyone. That is why they came here.

And who is this Breit Bart person? Why does he care about Weiner's online activity? Who appointed him the nation's conscience? I liked the old days when the press swept sex scandals under the rug. Besides he didn't seem to be in need of his  conscience when he doctored Shirley Sherrod's speech to the NAACP.

I admit I have a double standard when it comes to Republican vs Democratic sex scandals because Democrats generally don't go about mandating what sex acts should and should no be condoned. So I take some guilty pleasure when someone who wants to tell others what to do about their sex life gets caught with their pants down (literally) especially when it is a homophobe who gets caught tapping his foot in an airline restroom.

I do wish the congressman would have just admitted to his online activity when the picture surfaced. Once it's obvious you are caught you are caught. Just admit it. What would be really shocking would be to find a politician who was caught sleeping with his wife. Call me when that happens.

Get a Debit Card Old Man!

I never quite feel like I belong at the farm store here, surrounded by brands like Dickies, Osh Kosh and Carhart with the smell of animal feed permeating the air. I usually just go in for the bulk candy but latley I have been going in to pick up plants or gardening supplies. The staff always look at me as if they know I don't live on a farm.

The check out girls all seem to know I am an imposter. Maybe I don't fling my bag of Bit 'O Honey and Tootsie Rolls onto the counter in a macho manner. (I would defy even John Wayne to accomplish this task.) Or maybe they notice that I don't handle the hardware items I occasionally purchase with authority.

They view me with suspicion. Maybe they just don't trust a man with exposed toes. (I am usually in flip flops.) Perhaps their insurance liability doesn't cover anyone who isn't wearing steel toed boots. Whatever it is the checkout procedure is always unpleasant.

Last week I was trying to balance the new trellis I had bought for my morning glories along with some wire cages for my blackberry bushes and bag of candy. They have four checkout lanes but of course only one is open along with the customer service desk which I figure is only for people in overalls. So I line up behind two other men with my trellis balanced against a shelf filled with authentic miniature models of farm animals, the kind I envision aspiring 4-H members playing happily with for hours instead of wasting time on video games. I am really wanting to get out of there and dig into my Bit-O-Honeys but the guy at the register is wrting a check....SLOWLY......

He FINALLY hands it to the checkout girl who is friendly and homey with everyone but me. It doesn't go through! Something is wrong with the computer program. She has to call over someone from customer service. She informs the rest of us in line that we can checkout at the customer service desk but when I look over there I already see four sets of Osh Kosh and Dickies labels emblazoned on the backs of overalls and waistbands. Clearly I do not belong in that line. So I wait it out.

Why? Why? Why are people still writing checks in this day and age? If even the farm store checkouts are all computerized isn't it time for you to get a damn debit card old man? No one really wants you to write checks any more. The stores view anyone who still writes checks with more suspicion than a flip flop wearing, trellis toting town boy with a bag of Tootsie Rolls.

If the act of writing a check wasn't long enough the stores that still accept them make you jump every hoop imaginable after writing one. They run it through the cash register  to authenticate it then still ask you to verify the address and phone number clearly printed at the top.

If the guy doesn't want to carry a debit card couldn't he at least stop by one of the other businesses in town, you know; a BANK and withdraaw some cash to carry with him so I don't have to wait? That wouldn't save any time either. He'd probably be one of those people who pay with cash but then insist on digging down deep in their pockets to pay with the EXACT change.

Maybe that is the tell tell sign that sets me apart at the farm store; my impatience. Everyone else there seems to really be enjoying themselves, content to just wander the aisles, inhaling the fumes of the feed, searching for whatever treasures are hidden away on the back shelves.

I am afraid to go back there. I passed live chickens once back in the deep recesses of the farm store where the smell of the feed intensifies. They had a rooster in a cage sqawking his head off. (I think he was horny) Even he eyed me with suspicion. I don't think he liked the color of my tail feathers.

Mistress Manipulator

When I taught school I often ran into kids that had mastered the art of looking innocent when you knew they were up to something, the kind of kids that knew just where the line was drawn and inched their toe across it the minute your back was turned. Sarah Palin reminds me of those kinds of kids.

Sarah can't decide if she wants to run for president but she does know for certain she is going to miss the cash cow her life has become if she doesn't. She packed the family into the bus complete with a picture of the Constitution to give America a history lesson. I am sure someone had to tell her what is was. At least there's no danger of Sarah getting run over by the bus parallel parking while she reads it.

The last person I need an American history lesson from is Sarah Palin. A history lesson from Sarah Palin is about as useless as a full ride scholarchip at the Susan Lucci Academy for Dramatic Arts. (Those nineteen Emmy losses were no mistake)

The real sin in the whole affair was the way the media followed her around the Northeast like little lap dogs because she wouldn't announce her itinerary. They earned the title lamestream media with that move. Unless you work for a newspaper entitled Obnoxious Today you have no business following her.

I hope and pray that this is just her attempt to bulk up her bank account since her appearance fees started to diminish after her "blood libel" comment. Anyone who believes that being asked a simple question like, "What do you read?" is unfair is not the kind of person we need in the White House.

When Did I Become My Grandmother?

My paternal grandmother could grow anything. When my mother talked of grandma's gardening abilities she always made her gift of growing things so mysterious that I assumed you had to have a special gift or you couldn't grow things so I never really tried until I pulled some shrubs out of the ground that were getting into my sewer pipe a couple of years ago and needed to replace them with something. The plants didn't die. It is amazing how little encouragement I need to become fixated on a new endeavor. Let's hope I don't start dabbling in nuclear fission.....we could all die very shortly.

I swear that the pack of Alyssum I bought had red pictures on the cover but I like purple much better anyway.

I can't take credit for this plant because I just bought it. I was growing impatient waiting for the plants I bought from seed to grow. The trouble with buying plants at the greenhouse is that the only thing you can really do for them is kill them. If they grow you really have very little to do with it.

I Always Knew I Liked Gerald Ford

I have always thought that some of the best presidents were the "accidental" ones, the ones that didn't come to the office on their own but found themselves in office due to the death of their predecessor. In Gerald Ford's case he came to office by a very circuitous route, having been appointed Vice President by Congress after the resignation of Spiro Agnew and becoming president following the resignation of Richard Nixon.

I just finished reading a book on Ford entitled Write it When I am Gone by  Thomas M. DeFrank, a reporter that covered Ford for Newsweek having been assigned to the new vice president when he took office.

The book is pretty much a love letter to one of the most decent men that ever held the office of President.

But what I really love are Ford's observation on Ronald Reagan. I wanted to share them because I finally feel sane for having long harbored the opinion that Reagan was one of the biggest phonies to ever become President. (Maybe one of the only ones.....I tend to believe that most of the Presidents are generally good men who may or may not have policies I agree with)

Ford says of Reagan, "It's not in his nature to help someone else." and "Totally off the record, he was not what I would call a technically competent president. You know, the knowledge of the budget, his knowledge of foreign policy - it was not up to the standards of either Democrat or Republican presidents. But he had a helluva flair. He could sell himself probably better than any president since FDR and maybe JFK. So I praise his assets. but I have reservations about his technical ability."

Wow! I love it when I am right!