Sparta Needs its Own Television Station

Maybe I am just waterlogged after the wettest spring in recent history but after listening to thunder shaking my house to its soggy foundation a few nights ago I am convinced that it is time that Southwestern Illinois get its own television station. St. Louis meteorologists had already been tracking storms for hours but by the time the storms moved into the Sparta area the weather staffs were so beleaguered they couldn’t have been moved to notice a storm moving through Sparta unless it had reversed itself and started moving towards The Arch.

The ice storm coverage of last winter set a new record in the annals of being “egregiously overlooked.”  (to quote Julie Andrews) After days of predicting a record snowfall that never materialized maybe the meteorologists were too embarrassed to mention the storm but in the meantime there was nothing but a perfunctory mention of the ice that had turned Sparta into a perfect setting for a sequel to The Ice Queen.

St. Louis media outlets don’t just ignore those of us in Illinois when it comes to the weather.  When I commuted to St. Louis a few years ago for a summer job I routinely sat motionless on the Poplar Street Bridge while radio stations listed slow down after slow down with only occasional mentions of “the usual problems on the East Side.”

Even big events like the Grand American seem to get little attention from St. Louis stations. Not that I want to see Virginia Kerr near a firearm, even one that only shoots clay pigeons. She is just the kind of perky reporter they would send out here. Perky people are annoying. You would think that a CBS affiliate would realize that after suffering five years with Katie Couric in the network’s anchor chair.

Perhaps if the Cardinals had moved to Illinois St. Louis TV outlets would have admitted that there are intelligent forms of life on this side of the Mississippi. Only St. Louis would have built a beautiful new stadium smack up against the side of an interstate where any forward thinking terrorist could easily lob a bomb onto right field from an SUV anyway.

How can a metropolitan television station in Missouri hope to understand viewers in Southern Illinois? In Illinois we have enough sense to keep our roads open while we rebuild them instead of shutting them down completely. Of course it takes years to get projects finished this way. I have a feeling I am going to miss the two “temporary” stop lights on route 4 by the time construction is completed.  

I believe Missourians’ perception of Illinois has been skewered by the fact that a few (okay a LOT) of strip clubs have been built on our side of the river. I have had conversations with Missourians who have no idea what is in Illinois other than loose women and loose slots. But the Mississippi River shouldn’t be a barrier when it comes to news coverage. There are bridges to get you across it in minutes. Dispatching a few of those news trucks to Illinois shouldn’t be that difficult.

I don’t believe we have any other choice than to apply for a broadcasting license ourselves. With all the improvements T-Bone is making out at WHCO maybe he could go one step further and start broadcasting a television signal as well. If he needs a weather man I can help out.  I just installed a great new weather app on my e-reader. I’m not as accurate as Dave Murray or as personable as Kent Ehrhardt but I work very cheaply.