I Can't Possibly Have ADD.....Because THERE IS NO SUCH THING

I am tired of people telling me I have ADD (and you know who you are!).

THERE IS NO SUCH THING. (and no I am not yelling at you just because I put this in all caps....I am just trying to EMPHASIZE it.....oh all right, that time I yelled.)

ADD was invented by a pharmaceutical executive who had been called on the carpet for lagging sales figures. Luckily he looked out the window and spotted an unruly child who's parent was unable to discipline him and voila! a new disease was born.

Parents of kids in my generation did not need mood altering drugs to control their children or maintain their own sanity. They had something much more effective. In my father's case it was his belt. In my mother's case it was her fly swatter.

Once the sales of Ritalin shot through the roof the pharmaceutical company needed a sequel so they came up with ADHD so they could sell even more drugs.

I feel sorry for today's parents. I often see them out in public unable to control a screaming child. Thirty years ago no one would complain if a parent cut a tantrum short with a swift smack on the posterior but if they get caught doing that in public today some bleeding heart would whip out their cell phone to call child welfare, not that they are going to show up until the kid hits puberty but it is enough of a deterrent to keep parents from disciplining their children.

Think of all the wasted hours today's young parents have to spend reasoning with a two year old or devising reward systems more intricate than an American Airlines frequent flier program. Even a two year old knows that's bogus. So of course they are going to pick their nose in public and wail about it when you try to gently remove the offending finger.

The only socially acceptable solution seems to put your kid on drugs.

If Oprah is still around in twenty five years (I fear she will be. Besides we couldn't be so lucky to think that Gayle wouldn't survive if Oprah passed no matter how many road trips they take together.) I am sure she will do an entire series on her network about how much worse drugging children was than lovingly hitting them. Which is worse after all, stinging their bottoms for a few seconds or messing with their minds for years?