Best Stars on Ice Routine of all Time

NYC 2011 Highlights

Larry and I were lucky not to be arrested by the fashion police after modeling the hat I bought for Emily from a very authentic lookikng vendor on South Broadway on our recent trip.

Thursday night  we arrived in NYC in plenty of time to head to the TKTS booth where we picked up half price tickets for Lombardi at Circle in the Square. The ushers informed us we were sitting in the "end zone" I can only assume this is a football term. I've never heard it used in the theatre before.

It was a little odd to see people with cheese head hats and Packers jerseys at a Broadway show. Judith Light was impeccable as Marie Lombardi. I predict a Tony nomination if not an award for her. I loved her on One Life to Live and Who's The Boss. It's always fun to see an actor you admire up close.

Friday we were off to the intimate  Mitzi Newhouse theatre in  Lincoln Center to see the best show of the trip, Other Desert Cities with Linda Lavin and Stockard Channig.

After being so impressed by her in The Sisters Rosensweig a few years ago I was afraid I might have set my expectations too high. Impossible! The woman is a comic genius. (despite all those episodes of Alice). It was great to see Stockard Channing live for the first time. She did not disappoint. Elizabeth Marvel who played the daughter who returns home after a six year absence was right on par with these two great stage actresses.

Saturday morning we headed downstairs to the overpriced diner in the hotel but no one minded since we were having brunch with my old college friend, George Lightcap and his lovely wife, Jean. Is there anything better on earth than the opportunity to catch up with an old friend and complain about the current governor of New Jersey at the same time?

Saturday afternoon we got to see Harvey Firestein and Jeffrey Tambor in La Cage Aux Folles. Jeffrey was striking in his wig. So was Harvey although he got to change his more often.

 It's easy to see why New York audiences adore Harvey. We got to see them in their first week of performances after replacing Kelsey Grammer and Douglas Hodge which led to a few surprises like seeing Jeffrey cracking Harvey up with unexpected business on a couple of occasions and seeing Jeffrey wrestle while he tried to put on his wig for the finale.

I adore Harvey but listening to him croak out a tune takes some perserverance. Jeffrey isn't much of a singer either but since I often complain about musicals where no one can act it's only fitting that I sit through one occasionally where no one can sing.

Well now I have to take that back. The show does have Christine Andreas singing The Best of Times in Act II. I hadn't seen her on stage since The Scarlet Pimpernel (version 1.0) Warning to anyone who is going to be in my cabaret revue this spring: we will be doing The Best of Times for the closer again.

Larry loves Mamma Mia so much that I gave in and let him go see it Sat. night. At first it was good to hear some good singing but after the umpteenth Abba tune and all the emoting that went along with it  grew a bit tiring. The energetic young cast never lets you know for one minute that this show has been playing almost ten years now. And at least they booted Cats out of the Winter Garden to house it. The curtain call was the best part of the show. Maybe they should just chuck the script and do a concert.

Sunday we got to see at least part of  That Championship Season with Chris Noth, Kiefer Sutherland and Jason Patric. Our seats were so far to the right in the mezzanine we were unable to see much of  the action (or inaction since the actors were sitting on a sofa down stage left, out of our view) in Act I. Act II was better in this regard. When I called Telecharge to complain later they actually listened to me. I don't know if they will do anything about it but it was nice to be heard.

Jason was perfectly cast as Kiefer's alcholic brother and Kiefer played a bit of a loser which was a nice stretch for him. Chris Noth's character was a bit more in line with his image but Larry agreed with me he didn't quite have the acting chops to carry off his emotional breakdown at the end of Act II. Somehow we both forgave him. I can't think why.

Monday morning NYC got another snowfall a small one in comparison to other snows it has had this year but it was enough to make Central Park which was two and a half blocks from our hotel even more picturesque than usual. We weren't the only tourists snapping pictures that morning. And for once Larry took my advice (which Fox News has given a 100 % approval rating to so you know it has to be accurate) and headed out before the light snowfall stopped. We were out in it just as it hit its peak.




Since neither of us had spent quite enough money yet we had the bellman at the Wellington book us a limo for the drive to the airport. It must have been a slow day for limo service because when it arrived it was  stretch limo complete with beautiful little LED twinkle lights in the ceiling. Finally I get to travel in a style befitting my station. Of course if the state of Illinois finds out about this they are sure to reduce my pension.

How Am I Supposed to Survive Without Stars on Ice?

The Stars on Ice 25th Anniversary Tour does not include St. Louis. They were nice enough to send a personal response to an email I sent expressing my disappointment. The tour was cut back this year because of budget cuts and they hope to restore the St. Louis stop in future years. This does not make my heart swell up with hope.

I attend Stars on Ice regularly. I enjoy the high level of skating but it pales in comparison with the glitz, glamor and sheer gaudiness of the Ice Capades. Scott Hamilton started his own company when the Ice Capades refused to pay him as much as they had paid Dorothy Hamill, claiming that a male skater didn't have the draw of a female.

That is probably true. People have always admired their skating queens. (you will have to insert your own Johnny Weir joke here) Americans adore their Dorothy Hamills, Michelle Kwans and Nancy Kerrigans. So do I but the men's skating is so powerful. It just isn't an ability most other people hold in high esteem I guess.

I wish the Ice Capades had met Scott Hamilton's price. They might have folded anyway but if they had he might not have started Stars on Ice. Despite Stars on Ice bare bones production values it looks like even they are in trouble.

The only big ice shows that survive now are those god-awful Disney on Ice reviews. Even as a kid I hated the children's numbers during the Ice Capades. They never wore sparkly outfits during those numbers. They just put on giant pig heads and skated around trying to avoid the big bad wolf.

This is just another example of how my interests do not mesh with other people's.  I never did seem to enjoy the same thing that other people got so caught up in; The Super Bowl, American Idol, Sarah Palin.

I will admit to climbing on the Justin Bieber bandwagon although that whole new hairdo, uh pardon me, haircut of his has me very upset. Don't grow up, Justin. Stay just the way you are!

When Did Union Become a Bad Word in this Country?

I have to hand it to the school teachers and other public servants in Wisconsin for standing up to the tyranny, yes I say tyranny they are facing. Their governor, Scott Walker appears to me as an arrogant ass.

He not only wants  to cut their pension but prevent them from ever bargaining to regain it in the future. What a guy!

When I was teaching people, even people who had just been introduced to me often would proclaim, "We just don't pay teachers enough!" By the end of my career it was hard for me to just agree politely. I had a hard time resisiting the urge to put my hand out and ask for a donation from them.

Apparently the teachers in Wisconsin negotiated what to the governor was a very beneficial pension plan. Good for them because I can guarantee you if they were given a good pension program during negotiations they lost out on other negotiable items.

When this country suffered through the financial crisis a couple years ago we bailed out the banks, allowing their CEOs and big wigs to keep huge bonuses. Now that the states are in trouble they want to balance their broken budgets on the backs of teachers, municipal workers and firemen.

The Republicans who rarely if ever get endorsements from the teachers' unions love to hold the teachers' unions up as the reason school reform is not working. I would attest that one reason school reform is not working is because the federal and state governments have never fully funded education.

The party of the rich is never going to be pro education. The steady stream of misinformation and half truths that they hear from Fox is much more to their liking.

I hope the protestors in Wisconsin stand firm. I hope that Governor Walker ultimately ends up doing the nation a favor, showing himself for the ass he is.

Were Renee Zellweger and I Separated at Birth?

I got home from my trip to NYC last night and even though it was nearly one a.m the first thing I had to do was get the pictures off my digital camera and onto my computer. I had left my memory card at home so I couldn't upload them while I was away.

The best part of vacation is always the pictures but when I started going through mine I realized that I had squinted my eyes in everyone of them. I now have a great deal of affinity for Renee Zellweger. She has the same habit as I do. At least I am emulating someone with some talent.

Call Nancy Grace! (But Don't Mention my Name)

Rocky is missing. And I suspect foul play. I haven't seen the little critter since before the big ice storm. I know he is gone or he would have shown up by  now. I thought perhaps it was just too cold or slippery for the little guy to venture out of his hole or whatever little luxury condo he had built for himself in that tree. (After all the guy was resourceful) But a couple of days ago I tried  to lure him out by actually filling my bird feeder again instead of just tossing the birdseed on the ground, He hasn't appeared.

 I hate to admit but I miss the little fellow. I miss him the way I used to miss grading papers in the summer or the way you miss coughing up phlegm once a cold is finally cleared up. I miss him the way I missed Newt Gingrich when he disappeared from the public scene a few years ago.

 I was beginning to think of Rocky as a pet or like the grandchildren I don't have yet. He was like a grandchild in a way. I could enjoy him when he was scampering across the ground but if he got mischievous, hogging too much of the birdseed for himself, I could just send him home by hurling a lawn implement his way.


 Nancy Grace has been on a missing persons kick lately. I see ads on HLN about her efforts to find fifty people in fifty days. So far the only person I have missed  has been Joy Behar whose time slot Nancy took over for her missing people series. Nancy has a great deal of compassion for crime victims. I can't imagine that she is not an animal lover as well.


The only trouble is I know prosecutors like Nancy always go after the next of kin first in missing person cases. I am pretty sure one of my neighbors saw me throwing dangerous objects Rocky's way. They are sure to rat me out.

My only hope is that there was  a Mrs. Rocky. Maybe during Nancy's investigation she will find out he was having an affair. There were a couple of pigeons hanging around here Rocky seemed to have his eye on. (The guy was a lot like Charlie Sheen he just couldn't respect boundaries) Whatever his fate I know once Nancy is on the case she won't stop until justice is served. She is resolute. She is formidable. She is unflappable. Unfortunately so is her hair.

No Wonder I Only Follow Show Tunes

I remember as a kid I always hated the part of music class where the teacher let the class pick what we were going to sing next. Almost any kid they called on would pick some awful awful song. Which is why I have seldom followed the Grammys. I have never found the music most people find popular that interesting. Thanks to the Internet if anything interesting happens at the Grammys  I can watch it the next day.

But this year I tried to watch the show. I did not succeed. I got as far as Justin Bieber. I can't help liking this kid but I can hardly wait till he starts going bald and has to comb all his hair forward.

When Bob Dylan came on I couldn't take it. How did this man become a recording artist? I know he is a great songwriter but as a former teacher I have accidentally heard the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard too often in my life. I don't want to listen to him.

I am sorry I am not "hip" enough (See how uncool I am? I can't even write the word without putting it in quotes) to "get" Lady Gaga. I am not that artsy. I cannot imagine how long she had to rack her brain to come up with the arriving in an egg idea. I do believe she is doing the children of the nation a disservice. Just think how disappointed they are going to be on Easter morning when they open their plastic eggs and the only thing that pops out is a Hershey's kiss. They will still be sobbing throughout Easter service crying, "I want Gaga. I want Gaga."

I recorded the event just so I wouldn't miss Barbra. Initially I was disapointed  that she sang Evergreen I know it won a Grammy for her but It was never one of my favorite Streisand songs.But on rewatching the tape I appreciated the performance more. 

I thought she and Mick Jagger were the highlghts of the show. It was nice to see these veteran performers command the stage without all the production that surrounded the new acts. (If you call a sixty piece orchestra lack of production.)

Surely that is not the real Mick. No man in his late 60s can move like that. He's rich enough to just sit home and hire a lookalike to go perform for him.

Katy Perry looked gorgeous on stage as always but that jeweled bra and the angel wings looked like she was trying to hard on the red carpet.

I loved Joan Rivers take on it on Fashion Police. She thought it was absolutely vindictive for Katy to show up on the red carpet dressed as angel when her ninety year old grandmother was with her. Joan asserted "The poor woman was afraid all night that the angels were "coming to get her....She kept looking for the light"

TheGrammys is the only award show left where people are expected to wear something unique.The fashion is at least fun. I love Joan Rivers but she has intimidated people on all the other red carpets to the point that only a brave few darewear anything interesting. That still doesn't excuse Ricky Martin for showing up in Silver long johns. If he had done that a few years ago he wouldn't have had to bother coming out.

I loved Adan Lamber and  Nicki Minag's style but for some reason I have been fantaszing about my old high school drum major the last few days......

Trouble, Trouble, Trouble.

It was just one of those days. No one could do anything right. Kathy Griffin got dissed by Bristo Palin who took offense at Kathy making fat jokes so she reminded the nation that Kathy once had a botched liposuction session.

Seriously Bristol, I was on your side until you started becoming a judgemental little whiner. (After all, that's my job.)  I didn't complain once when you repulsed the nation on Dancing With the Stars. I even stood up for you, putting the blame right where it belonged on your maniacal momma.

Everyone makes mistakes. Not everyone tries to profit off them. But  you don't just profit off them. You try to lecture us. Now you want to be a spokesperson warning girls of the dangers of premarital sex. Honey, that horse left the stable a long, long time ago.

Poor Lindsay Lohan was in court today answering to shoplifting charges. I feel for her. I just want her to get the help she needs. All the help she needs. Sad, sad, sad, sad, sad.

But the topper of the day has to be the Republican Congressman who sent a woman a shirtless picture of himself. He answers her ad on Craigslist then she turns the poor guy in. Is he an adulterer? Yes. Does he deserve to lose his job? No! But my question is why is this woman on Craigslist looking for men then being offended when they send her a shirtless picture? And the guy was in good shape. It wasn't as if someone like me sent her a shirtless picture. Let's hope this gal never runs across Brettt Favre on her internet adventures. She'll have a stroke when the below the belt pictures arrive in her inbox.

Don't Just Turn off the Dark....Turn off Spiderman Completely

There's a bomb in Tiimes Square but don't call Homeland Security. It was planted there by Julie Taymor.

I have to admit I was intrigued by the idea of turning Spiderman into a Broadway Musical. I was tempted to go see Spiderman Turn off the Dark when I went to New York next week BUT that was before I saw the ticket prices for what almost every critic is almost as big a disaster as 911.

I have never seen The Lion King. I have never seen Beauty and the Beast. I have never seen The Little Mermaid (much to Larry's chagrin). I did see Tarzan. And the only reason I did can be summed up in five words: Josh Strickland in a loincloth. Still it was one of the most ill-conceived productions I have ever seen on Broadway and not just because the harness he had to wear covered up too much of Josh's loincloth.

People keep telling me that I would enjoy Beauty and the Beast. I saw the movie and I saw the Disney on Ice version. What more could I want?

I guess I did community theatre for too long. I cannot fathom a community theatre production lavish enough to do justice to the Broadway version unless you live somewhere out in the Hamptons. That is one reason I have little interest in it. That and the fact that it is a kid show. I haven't reached my second childhood.....yet but give me a few minutes.


As an actor I know there is nothing for me to portray in The Lion King.  I can't think of anything worse than having to wear a gigantic lion face on my head (I would end up stumbling around like Lucy in the Hollywood episode where she was asked to wear a giant headdress) or an audience being subjected to seeing my bare chest all night.

 I know the show was  huge success and that Julie Taymor was declared a theatrical genius when it opened. To me it is still a giant puppet show. To me she has never been an "actor's director." Theatre is about the human experience. As much as  Ilike all  the lighting effects and the glitz theatre still needs to be rooted in humanity.

Apparently Spiderman Turn off the Dark is all about the technical aspects of the show. You would think if that were the case they would have worked  a few of them out before they started previews. After spending 65 million dollars you would have thought they could have found a way to hide the wires that send actors flying to their possible deaths.

When I go to theatre in New York I want to see something that I can't see in the St. Louis area. I want to see a star or a new musical or play. I  generally prefer to see the original Broadway production of a show than the tour because the tours they send out now play theatres that are way too big for them. I don't want to go to The Fabulous Fox and see a set that isn't even big enough to fill a third of the stage or sit so far away that I have to use binoculars to see the actors. It's theatre. It's supposed to be an intimate, shared experience. Don't even get me started on the Muny. That's not theatre. It's a picnic with a show going on in the background.

Can We Just Give Christina and Everyone Else Who Flubs up a Break?

I am not a huge Christina Aguilera fan but she seems to be the latest victim in America's favorite sport; building people up so we can tear them down. I She sang at the Super Bowl (live I might dad) last night and flubbed the lyrics to The Star Spangled Banner. Did she embellish too much? Yes, she's Christina Aguilera. That's how she sings.


I have sung the national anthem at champion sporting events too. Although I have to say the crowd at the American Trap Shooting Grand National was a bit smaller. The important thing is they were just as drunk. Still, when you are singing a song that everyone knows it's a lot more likely that you are going to mess up.


So let's give Christina and the next person who messes up next a break. At least she cleaned up for the occasion.

Did Fred Gwynne Have a Love Child?

Is it just me or does anyone else think that Judge Alex looks a lot like veteran actor Fred Gwynne? There is too much of an age difference for them to have been separated at birth but maybe Herman wasn't so devoted to Lily after all.



An Issue of Great Concern

While the rest of the world watches the turmoil in Egypt something of great concern is happening in this country. Someone has changed the formula for candy hearts. They are now fruit flavored. Fruit belongs on a tree! Not in my bag of candy hearts.

This happened last year but I was able to find a few bags of the old flavors at Dollar General Store. This year even they offered no refuge from the onslaught of fruit flavors that Necco switched to.

I had hoped Necco would come to its senses and swtich back to the old formula this year. For me this was a bigger disaster than that new Coke debaucle a few years ago. Where was the public outcry over candy hearts?

Brachs still makes the old flavors. I can't tell you what the flavors are except that the pink ones taste like Pepto-Bismol and despite the fact that Pepto-Bismol saved my life several tmes as a child I still associate wintergreen flavoring with upset stomachs so I aways pitch the pink hearts. I don't eat the purple ones either. I have yet to identify that flavor.

But the Brachs hearts aren't as chalky and brittle as the Necco hearts are. A friend of mine at church found some of the old style hearts at a farm store nearby and left some on my music stand this morning. That is what I call true Christianity.....looking out for a brother in need. After all life isn't always about the big things. Sometimes its the little things like candy hearts that matter.

I Don't Think Google is Reading my Blog

A couple of weeks ago I was finally getting enough hits on my blog that I let Google "monetize" it, meaning I allowed them to place ads on my blog in exchange for payment every time someone clicked on one of them. (I haven't gotten a check yet)

I realize the folks at Google are very very busy reinventing the world and trying to take over Communist China but don't they have ANY humans working there? Or is the entire complex just filled with little "bots?"

The first ads that appeared were for bird feeders and something called a "squirrel-a-whirl" that I didn't mind so much since the posts at the time I allowed Google to put the ads on were filled with the adventures of Rocky. I could see how they might mistake me for a nature lover.

But yesterday I noticed a display ad for "And I'm a Mormon" God help me. Google really needs to do more than just scan the blog for words appearing here than to make the assumption that I am in favor of Mormonism because the word appears on this blog.

This morning the ad is for a presidential straw poll The only choices are Palin, Gingrich and Romney. I think Satan, the Devil incarnate or Lucifer would give people a much better range of choices than those three.

 I am sure they think I am a die hard Republican since I wrote a piece on Reagan yesterday. I am sure there will be an ad for cowboy boots and Alzheimer's medication appearing soon. I should have enough scruples to contact Google and ask that they remove the ads but frankly I am just barely computer savvy enough to be typing this.

So when you see an ad for the Republican National Committee appearing here, please go ahead and click on it! The half cent that I receive in revenue will be the only time trickle down economics has ever benefited me financially. 

Let me give Google a hint. If you want to place a display ad on my blog I would prefer seeing the Old Spice Guy.

It Must be Tough

Hugh Jackman is reportedlly having to eat 6000 calories a day to beef up for the next installment of Woverine. It must be tough but I am halfway there, Hugh. I am sure I have about 3000 on a slow day. Unfortunately Hershey bars, Chex mix and Twinkies are not seeming to have the same effect on my physique unless one is trying to build up their mid-section. I wondered how he had built himself up for the last Woverine film. He hadn't seemed nearly as brawny when I had the pleasure of seeing him (from the front row no less) in the Boy from Oz a few years ago.

Cardinals on Ice

I Blame Ronald Reagan for Everything or the History of America According to Gary

Ronald Reagn would have turned 100 on Sunday. You know what this means; the pro-Reagan people are going to fling that man's memory in our face for the next year as many times as Nancy flung herself across Ronnie's coffin.

The real reason I have always held Ronald Reagan in such low esteem was the way he undermined the election of Gerald Ford in 1976. (I don't generally hold grudges this long unless it involves the loss of a Hershey bar.)

Gerald Ford was in a tight race in '76. Reagan had no real chance of winning but he knew Ford was vulnerable and he mounted a primary challenge with his eye on 1980. Ford ended up narrowly losing to Carter. I will never forgive Reagan of depriving the nation of four more years of having Betty Ford as First Lady. I don't care if she was drunk. She had a good reason to be (chronic back pain) and she was fun.

No matter how decent an ex-president Carter has become he was not very successful during his four years in office unless you count that Mid-East peace thing. Let's face it: Carter was way too Christian to ever lead this country. He refused to go to war when Iran held Americans hostage. Reagan rode that apparent weakness to victory. When Carter did finally arrange the hostages released it played right into Reagan's  “Morning in America”  rhetoric.

Reagan was the first Republican that I remember that had the ability to get working class people to vote against their own interests. Union workers ignored their leaders and voted for him in droves. He showed his loyalty by breaking the air traffic controllers union his first few weeks in office.

I never bought into his folksy charm or believed for one moment he didn't dye his hair. He loved to wave the flag and invoke God at every opportunity but I doubt the thought of attending church unless the cameras were rolling ever crossed his mind.

The other little legacy he left us was the idea of school reform. Once in office, he ordered a report on  the nation's schools, assuming that the study would show they were in good shape and he could abolish the Department of Education. OOPS! Turned out the schools were failing. The federal government has been trying to fix them ever since with one failed program after another including No Child Left Behind and Race to the Top. No matter what program the feds come up with it always has the same result: a refusal to fund federal mandates and more hoops for educators to jump through.

Recently his son, the cute former ballet dancer, Ron created quite a stir when he said there were signs of his father's confusion when he was in office. Ya think? Later he said he wasn't referring to his father's Alzheimers. Please! Reagan was loopy from the start, a popular figure that could be propped up to put a good face on repugnant policies.

I know the Fox News crowd would love to see his granite-like features on Mt. Rushmore. Thank goodness he and the Bushes never really got along (fueled in part by that battle of the plaids incident between Babs and Nancy). In my sinister little heart I like to believe that the fact that the Reagans weren't all that nice to the Bushes during the eight years Nancy, er Ronnie was in office is the reason they haven't started the blasting up in South Dakota yet.

 I only live by a few bedrock principles and one of them is this: never underestimate the influence of Mama Bush.