I applauded with great enthusiasm when NBC announced that Jimmy Fallon was taking over The Tonight Show. I had always found Jay Leno to be a major bore lacking in the refinement it takes to be host of a show where the greats of show business occasionally appear (depending on what project they are hawking at the moment.) Unfortunately I had rarely tuned in late enough to see his late night show. I just assumed he'd be an improvement.
He impressed me on his first night out, especially when he welcomed Joan Rivers on the program however briefly. And later in the show when he engaged in some childish hi-jinks I forgave him since it was he first night.
But in the next few weeks his games began to tire me; tossing footballs with Tom Cruise (who must have insisted they do something butch in order for him to appear), dousing himself with water with Lindsay Lohan (or maybe it was vodka considering how much Lindsay appeared to be enjoying herself.)
The night he donned one of Dolly's wigs I was beyond irritated. Jimmy just cannot treat his guests like GUESTS! He always insists on doing something to bring the attention back around to himself. Dolly looked amused but she's a smart enough business woman to know the appearance was all about album sales so she smiled and let him upstage her.
He sings with everyone! Billy Joel came on to tout his monthly appearances at Madison Square Garden. Jimmy sang with him and went into such histrionics it was painful to watch. That's when I swore off the show.
Only Babs could make me tune in again and I did even though I KNEW he would insist on singing with her. He did, donning different accessories as he impersonated different partners featured on her duets album including an Elvis wig and scarf. She did not look amused, pulling away from him on at least two occasions. I know she wanted to belt him. I wanted to belt him.
For some odd reason he thought he could pay his respects by letting her sit behind the desk instead of on the couch during the interview which made absolutely no sense other than to make him the center of attention once again. I would have loved Barbra to refuse saying, "No thanks! I'M THE GUEST, you arrogant ass!"
He managed to insult her by gushing on and on about how much of a bitch she turned out NOT to be. Once again you mistook class for crass, Jimmy! I loved Barbra's questioning of why it is that only women in show business are referred to as divas. Great point, Babs!
I was never a huge Johnny Carson fan, preferring the nights Joan Rivers guest hosted over Johnny's appearances but at least Johnny listened to his guests. Of course back in the dark ages of television when one had to get up off the sofa to switch channels people occasionally appeared on those shows just to talk. They didn't always have movies or albums to promote. Before everyone had a hand held electronic device hidden in their pocket guests and the hosts were adept at the art of conversation.
I doubt anything can get me to tune in to Jimmy again after this fiasco.......at least not until Bette Midler has a project to promote. In fact I hope she has one soon. There may be just enough Sophie Tucker left in the old broad to blindside boorish Jimmy if he tries to upstage her. I'd love to see her slap him with one of her fins a time or two before he can whip out the giant scaling knife he will be sure to have hidden behind the sofa.
You want to know why society is going heck in a hand basket? Here's one theory.
Jesus can't even get top billing at Vacation Bible School! I have noticed this trend for several years now. VBS is always touted as a rain forest adventure, a jungle safari or (heaven help the creationists) a science lab!
As a kid I loved Vacation Bible School and I was never turned off by the fact that the theme included the name of Jesus or mentioned God.
...
Isn't this false advertising? Why do we have to lure kids in under false pretenses?
I know. I'm old. I'm a relic (Hey! The Lost Relic would make a great theme!) but spare me the "We have to do something to appeal to the kids" remarks. How lucky was I not to grow up in the Nintendo generation?
The lure of crafts, refreshments and the opportunity to perform in the closing program were enough to lure me to church for two weeks each summer....YES I said TWO WEEKS....not that I'm volunteering to work even the ONE week VBS is being held at my church.....I never said I wasn't a hypocrite.
It wouldn't be a trip to NYC without one great subway story. (anyone who goes to NYC and is too afraid to get on the subway has not REALLY been to NYC.)
The group I chaperoned on a recent visit was riding the One train back to our hostel from the Statue of Liberty. Our leader, Alice thought she was lucky to find a seat on the train but when she sat down she grazed the leg of a mature (and I use that word lightly) woman next to her.
"I guess you think you're cute!" The woman remarked.
Alice didn't quite understand her reaction so she asked what the woman meant. "You landed on me!" the woman asserted.
It was now time for the seasoned (and I use that term lightly as well) "New Yorker" on the trip to intervene. "I saw the whole thing. She didn't 'land on you," I remarked.
The woman was having none of this and continued her tirade, "You're on the subway! You are going to get touched." I asserted. At this point I couldn't resist goading her with a smart aleck remark. "It's the only reason I ride," I joked.
Unexplainably she found little solace in my humor.
So I'm up early on Saturday to do one of my least favorite jobs, watering the planter downtown that I've been assigned by the garden club. And I'm just bemoaning the fact that this year for consistency's sake all the planters were planted with PINK and white petunias. I never plant pink flowers. The whole idea of a pink flower just seems redundant to me.
I realize that trying to live my life openly and honestly sets me up for abuse in a small town in IL so far south that it's adjacent to AR, MO and KY but apparently being caught watering a barrel of pink petunias downtown on Sat. morning is just TOO MUCH for the small mind of some young man in the back of a late 80s black Nissan to take.
He shouts out, "Pretty flowers!" sarcastically to me as his "chauffer" speeds down Broadway like they've just pulled off the hate crime of the century.
My response (In the tradition of Quiser from Steel Magnolias who "smiled at the sonofabitch before she recognized him) was to wave and say HI!
It's a beautiful cool clear late spring morning. I should congratulate myself for doing this small
civic duty which I don't particularly enjoy but for those few seconds afterwards the morning is ruined for me by some degenerate whose minute brain capacity is probably only matched by the insignificant size of his reproductive equipment.
I'm sorry bud that you are able to accomplish so little in this world but there is no need to take in out on this protector of the petunias!
