Where Have I Been?

Nowhere. I just got tired of writing. I felt like I just kept repeating the same old jokes (that never stopped Jay Leno) and complaints. But as Joan Rivers once said, "There are two kinds of bitchy; funny bitchy and scary bitchy. Note to Joan: There are also two types of plastic surgery; once when you turn 50 and need a little boost to your self esteem and ENOUGH! I still love you, Joan. You are still the funniest woman on television. (Unless you count Ryan Seacrest)

I hope that even though my posts may be bitchy that they are funny bitchy. And I am going to try to begin posting again. I can't promise. After all after months of blogging the most popular posts always seemed to revolve around Rocky Squirrel and I haven't seen the little rodent in weeks. (He always was scarce in the summer when there was yard work to do.

I am Back and I am Joining the Tea Party!

Yes! Yes! Yes! I have finally had it with the government. The day, the very day before school started in Sparta I got a message from the secretary at my old school telling me they couldn't call me to sub this year because my teaching certificate had expired and I had to jump through several hoops for the Illinois State Board of Education before they could call me this year.


I knew my certificate had expired but I was planning on subbing anyway since in Illinois anyone with a pulse and 64 hours of college credit has been allowed to sub in the past. But in their infinite wisdom (and the desire to fill the state coffers with certification fees) the legislature passed new legislation regarding substitute teaching.

What was I doing in the meantime? Sitting at the Hospital Auxilary gift shop four hours a month and volunteering for the Garden Club (which consists of nothing more than trying to keep a planter full of petunias alive in record heat) and planning a benefit cabaret performance for the Sparta Public Library.

But apparently the State of Illinois fears that I may have contracted Tuberculosis this summer or joined a gang of child molesters because they want me to have a physical, a TB test and a background check. Seriously. I have lived in Sparta since 1978. If the cops haven't caught me imbezzling funds, groping children or subverting the government by now do they seriously think a routine background check is going to stop me?

So far my attempt to reregister my certification has meant two trips to the Regional Office Of Education, three doctor's visits. (since they couldn't possibly perform a TB test and a physical in one day) hours trying to navigate the Illinois State Board of Education website and approximately $125.00 in fees and physician copays.

I am sure all of this is so the State of Illiniois can gurantee that No Child Is Left Behind. Too friggin' late folks! One already did. His name was Geoge but we call him George W. so we don't confuse him with hid daddy. I really resent all the red tape that man has caused educators in the last eleven years. After all if a  little imbecile like G. W. can become president we don't really need to make sure kids learn anything in school.

This is government run amock. And as much as I am tempted to join the tea party in their attempts to streamline government (What am I saying? The only thing those morons care about it is not paying their fair share of taxes. I can gurantee you that the tea partiers are the first to put their grubby little paw out if anyone even hints that the government has a subsidy for them) I know that if they ever do achieve their goal of reducing government spending that government waste will remain intact. The only thing they will succeed in cutting will be the government programs that help people. Halliburton will remain solvent I assure you.